As we all know, this 4Wding caper can stick a serious dent in our family budgets, so in order to help make it a lot more affordable, I started researching for On-Line Business options that were legitimate, could be run from home outside of work hours and didn’t impact on family time. I can honestly say that I have found one that cost very little to set up and maintain and gave me access to thousands of different retail products at exceptional prices….and I don’t have to carry stock, or worry about shipping and payments. A commission on sales made through my web sites, which they set up for me, simply gets paid to me by cheque each month. The web sites were set up for me on the Thursday and were already earning commissions by the Monday…4 days later.

If you wish to have a look at my site… go to www.tassiegrouponline.com and feel free to browse through. I am still customising it to get it where I want it to be but all the tools for that are included in the setup package. There is also a link to provide you with all of the information about setting up your own “ON-Line Business” on the front page, so that you too can establish a dedicated 4WDing slush fund if you want one.

Just passing on a tip that came to me via a Darwin doctor.  If you are heading into mosquito, midge or sand fly infested areas like the tropics, load the body up with Vitamin B prior to heading off. You will end up peeing flourescent but you will also make yourself far less attractive to biting insects.

We had better throw in the usual medical rider though and say “Check with your doctor to make sure that you will not be adversely affected by Vitamin B”.

Update      After trying it through the Kimberley, Kakadu and Cape York for a few weeks…..It Works,

Whilst we all use snatch straps as a first preference for a quick recovery in “motionally challenged” situations, we must always be aware of the fact that Snatch Straps are bloody dangerous bits of equipment if not used properly. It doesn’t matter how experienced we are, if we allow complacency to sneak in, accidents will happen. The recent tragic death of a young bloke on an end of year footy trip, struck by a snapped tow bar on the end of a snatch strap, should cause all of us to re-assess how we handle our recovery equipment.

When hooking the strap to a vehicle, only ever connect to a rated recovery point and use only rated bow shackles or hooks.

Never ever snatch off a tow ball. Tow balls are tested to withstand a load of approx. 3.5 tonnes. When using a snatch strap, due to the elasticity of the strap, the load can be magnified to in excess of 8 to 10 tonnes. This is well in excess of the capability of the tow ball and will cause breakage. The tow ball then becomes a deadly projectile as it is slung by the retracting snatch strap.

When hooking a strap to the rear of the vehicle, the best option is to remove the tow ball tongue from its housing and secure the strap by placing the strap eye inside the housing and securing it with the pin the holds the tongue in place. Prior to heading out on a trip, unless I am towing a trailer, the tongue is always removed from my vehicle and left at home.

Ensure that all twists are removed from the strap to allow it to work as it was designed to do. Any twists will reduce the elasticity of the strap and cause the strap to fail much earlier.

Always place a damper over the strap, to direct the energy downwards should a failure occur. The same principal applies when winching. This damper can be an old coat, blanket, spud bag or rubber mat out of the car. Alternatively you can head into your 4WD shop and grab a purpose made one, doesn’t matter what you use as long as you use something.

Ensure that any bystanders not directly involved in the recovery move to a safe place well clear of the actual recovery. To the side of area is the safest as the most dangerous areas are going to be fore and aft of the direction of the recovery.

Ensure you have radio contact or have pre-determined signals to communicate when each driver is ready to start the recovery exercise and when to stop. This applies equally to when the attempt is successful or not.

The sole aim of a snatch recovery is to provide the bogged vehicle with just enough assisting momentum to drive out under its own steam. It is not desirable to totally drag the vehicle out as this has the potential to cause damage to both vehicles, the recovery equipment and to bystanders so should be avoided.

Snatch straps work through energy stored within the elasticity of the strap. ie if you stretch the strap, the elasticity will spring it back to its normal length, therefore multiplying the pulling force of the towing vehicle, allowing for a smoother recovery with minimal effort. Accordingly, to determine how much pulling force is required to move the bogged vehicle, becomes a matter of trial and error. With the initial attempt, the towing vehicle only needs to pull away slowly in low gear with the bogged driver also attempting to drive out at the same time. If this fails to provide enough momentum, repeat the process with a little more slack in the strap. From there on, you can slowly increase the speed of the towing vehicle until the desired result is achieved.

I learnt a very valuable lesson the first time that I saw a snatch strap used. We were cutting firewood with a bunch of mates and one of them decided to drag a log out of the bush up into the paddock we were in. He hooked the strap around the log and to the tow loop on the back of his MQ Patrol. He then reversed back to the log giving him as much slack in the strap as he could get, before booting it as hard as the Patrol would go. The first effort shifted the log about a metre before it dug into the top of the bank he was trying to pull it up over and busted the strap. The next trick was for the driver to tie a knot in the strap, (shortening the stretch effect) and going hard again. This resulted in a huge crack like a rifle shot and a bolt from the plate that holds the tow loop bouncing off trees a couple of hundred metres down in the bush. Fortunately the other three bolts held, but if the one that snapped had of hit anyone, they would be very lucky to survive. The moral of this story is that “Easy does it”.

To maximise the life of your snatch strap, make sure it is washed and dried when you get home, before packing it away ready for the next trip.

Please, for everyones sake, let’s make 4WDing as safe as we possibly can.

Down here in Tassie, the biggest on-going debate is always about Forestry and Forest related issues. As the Forest Industry is a huge contributor to our local economy, the State Government in conjunction with Forestry Tasmania arranged for a university lecturer to travel around all of the small country towns as well as the cities, delivering a series of lectures on how important the Forest Industry is to Tasmania.

In order to assist the lecturer, they provided him with a government car and driver to make sure that he got to all of the venues on time. On this particular day, the lecture was scheduled to be held at Smithton in the far North West of the Island and as luck would have it, they managed to get into Smithton about lunch time, but the lecture was not due until 8PM.

Unfortunately, they were not aware that the lecturer had a bit of a drinking problem and he headed straight to the bar, where he proceeded to demolish a bottle of whisky. Come time to head to the town hall for the lecture and the lecturer was “three sheets to the wind”, “totally hand & fist”…..could not scratch himself. The driver suggested that maybe they had better cancel the lecture, but the professor said “no…you have heard the lecture enough times…..you can deliver it”.

Well…as you can imagine, the driver….who was a bit rough around the edges, particularly with his speech patterns and dropping his h’s, was a bit reluctant….but eventually the professor convinced him that he could do it.

Come 8PM, the driver stands up on stage at the town hall and stares out at an absolute full house. The place was packed to the rafters. Very nervously he starts by saying….

“Welcome everybody…we are here tonight to talk about wood…..now basically there are three types of wood….there’s ard wood, ard ard wood and ard ard ard wood. Now the first type of wood I’m gonna talk about is ard wood. Ard wood grows where there’s lots of water and cause there’s lots of water it grows pretty quickly so doesn’t get the chance to get real ard….so it’s only half as ard as ard ard wood and quarter as ard as ard ard ard wood. Now the things they use ard wood for is making ‘ouses for dogs”.

At that point, a rather aristocratic gentleman at the back of the room with shiny shoes, bowler hat and plumb in mouth accent says “excuse me my good man, but don’t you mean kennels for canines?” The driver says “Kennels for canines…..’ouses for dogs…doesn’t matter..thats what ard wood is used for”.

The driver then continues…”The next kind of wood I’m gonna talk about is ard ard wood. Now ard ard wood grows in places that are a bit drier than where ard wood grows and as a result of there not being as much water, it grows a bit slower so has more time to get ard and therefore is twice as ard as ard wood but only half as ard as ard ard ard wood and the things they use ard ard wood for is making sheds for horses”.

Once again our aristocrat at the back of the room interjects with “Excuse me my good man….but don’t you mean stables for equine?”

The driver replies “Stables for equine or sheds for horses…..doesn’t matter…thats what ard ard wood is used for”.

Now the third type of wood is ard ard ard wood and that grows where there is bugger all water and as a result, it grows bloody slow so its got heaps of time to get ard and is twice as ard as ard ard wood and four times as ard as ard wood and the things they use ard ard ard wood for is pyles for piers and before that smart arse at the back can say anything, I mean jetties for boats….. not heamoroids for haristocratic harseholes!”

From what I can work out, based on the childish carry-on and incessant meaningless noise made in Canberra, and repeated throughout our respective state governments, the word Parliament appears to be the “collective noun” for a mob of galahs.

Paddy the Irish Minister of War phones Vladimir….his counterpart in Russia… and says “Vladimir, at ten o’clock Sunday morning….Ireland is declaring war on Russia”

Vladimir is a little taken aback by this….but manages to stay calm… and says “Why would you want to declare war on us…Ireland has no hope of beating Russia in a war?”

Paddy says….”Doesn’t matter….at ten o’clock Sunday morning, Ireland is declaring war on Russia.”

Well Vladimir thinks for a moment and asks Paddy how many planes do you have.

Paddy replies….. “four”.

Vladimir says good god Paddy……our initial strike force is four thousand strong….all armed with the latest weaponry. They are invincible.

Paddy says…”Doesn’t matter….at ten o’clock Sunday morning….Ireland is declaring war on Russia”

Vladimir then says……”OK Paddy, how many tanks do you have?” and Paddy replies “Seven”

Vladimir says….. “Paddy, we have over seventy thousand tanks, all with the latest armour plating…..you don’t stand a chance.”

and Paddy says…..”Doesn’t matter…at ten o’clock Sunday morning, Ireland is declaring war on Russia”.

Out of desparation Vladimir says….”Alright Paddy….how many troops do you have?” and Paddy replies “Three Thousand”

Vladimir says “Get real Paddy….our front line is three million strong” and Paddy says “three million…..just hang on a minute.”

Paddy puts the phone down and comes back in about twenty minutes and says “Vladimir…the war is off”

Vladimir says “hah….so we scared you with our might” and Paddy says “No…..we haven’t got enough room for all the prisoners we’re gonna take”.

The worlds leading surgeons were gathered at their annual conference which was held this year in Monte Carlo. With the day’s business and forums completed, it was time for some serious relaxation and fellowship over a few quiet beers.

Pretty soon, they started bragging about how good they were and what great achievements they had made.

One surgeon from America boasted that he was that clever that when eating a hot dog one day, he found a finger nail in it. He took it back to his surgery, ran all the appropriate tests and then built a finger for the nail to go on. He then made a hand, an arm and the rest of the body for that finger nail. When he had finished….the man he had created was that efficient….he took the jobs of 3 men.

Then the English surgeon recounted how he was having high tea with the Royal Family and half way through a cucumber sandwich, he found a hair in it. He took the hair back to his surgery and after testing it, built a scalp, filled it with similar hair, then built a head and body and because he had worked from the top down…….when he was finished his creation put 10 men out of work.

Of course then it was the Aussie surgeons turn and he said “As good as your creations are….they are nothing compared to mine. I was walking down the street and smelt a fart…..I caught that fart in a glass jar and then took it back to my surgery where I built an arsehole to wrap around it. I called it Julia Gillard and before you knew it…she had put the entire Northern  Australian Cattle Industry out of work”.

We have all experienced it….driving along and all of a sudden some clown coming the other way decides to pull out of a line of traffic and overtake them, forcing us to take evasive action.

We can reduce the risk of this occurring by making ourselves much more visible to the on-coming traffic. The simplest way to do this is to drive with our head lights on low beam both day and night. As well as making it so that we can be clearly seen from a much greater distance…..it also makes judging that distance much easier for the oncoming vehicle. This is even more effective in less than ideal light situations.

Don’t believe me……then start to take note of which vehicles are easiest to see on your next trip……The ones with lights on….or lights off!!!!

Paddy & Mick were heading off to the pub for a few games of 8 ball and several pints of Guinness. As they walked down the road, they came across wee poor Mary O’Rielly sitting on the side of the road crying her eyes out.

Paddy said “Mary O’Rielly….why you be sitting on the side of the road crying your eyes out?” and Mary O’Rielly said “I have a puncture in me bike tyre and can’t get to church”.

Paddy said to Mick, “You go on ahead Mick and set the 8 ball table up and have a couple of pints settling on the bar….. I will fix Mary O’rielly’s puncture and be along there in a bit”.

Well Mick headed off to the pub, ordered the two pints of Guinness and racked the balls up ready for the game. He then looked out the front door of the pub and saw Paddy coming along on Mary O’Rielly’s bicycle. Mick said to Paddy “why you be riding Mary O’Rielly’s bicycle?” and Paddy replied “When I fixed her puncture…. she was that gratefull that she took her pants off and said I could have anything I liked…..so I took the bike”.

Then Mick said “To be sure, to be sure….You have done the right thing….her pants wouldn’t a fitted ya anyway.”